Why “Reach Out” is just not enough

This September and October our social media feeds will probably fill with well-intentioned messages. World Suicide Prevention Day on 10 September and World Mental Health Day on 10 October bring a welcome spotlight on conversations that matter and we will no doubt see hashtags like #BeKind and reminders to:

“Reach out.”

“It’s OK not to be OK.”

“We’re here for you.”

Those campaigns have helped reduce stigma and encouraged more people to talk about suicide and mental health and whilst that matters, after more than a decade training people to have these conversations, I’ve come to believe we’ve unintentionally placed the responsibility on the wrong person.

Think about what we’re asking.

We’re asking someone who may feel hopeless, exhausted, ashamed, frightened, trapped or convinced they’re a burden to find the strength to start one of the hardest conversations of their life.

For many people, that simply isn’t possible and even when they do ask for help, what happens next?

What if the person they tell has never been taught how to respond?

What if their disclosure is met with panic, reassurance, silence or a well-meaning “You’ll be fine”?

What if they are simply passed from service to service because nobody feels confident having the conversation?

That’s why, at Confident Conversations, we developed Reach IN.

Reach IN doesn’t replace Reach Out. It completes it.

Instead of placing all the responsibility on the person in crisis, Reach IN asks something different of the rest of us.

Can we notice when someone isn’t themselves?

Can we ask the question they can’t quite ask us?

Can we stay with the conversation instead of trying to fix it?

Can we create environments where people don’t always have to be the first to speak?

Suicide prevention shouldn’t rely solely on people asking for help – it should also be able to rely on the people around them recognising when help is needed.

That distinction becomes even more important where domestic abuse is involved. Someone living with coercive control may have already told someone. They may be known to services. They may have spoken to family, friends, the police, healthcare professionals or support agencies and sadly we see too many DHR’s where they were in contact with multiple agencies yet still died by suicide.

From that we must summaries that being known is not the same as being safe.

When the abuse itself is driving despair, generic suicide prevention responses may miss the very thing that needs addressing. Encouraging someone to “reach out” means little if every previous attempt has left them feeling unheard, misunderstood or no safer than before.

This autumn, by all means keep sharing the awareness campaigns. Let’s keep reducing stigma, let’s keep opening conversations, but perhaps we should also change one thing.

Instead of simply saying “Reach out”, what if more of us learnt how to Reach IN? Sometimes the conversation that changes a life isn’t the one that starts with “I need help.”

It’s the one that starts with, “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself. I’m here. Tell me what’s going on.”

I’m offering a free Masterclass on WSPD and you can click on the link to register on the home page of my website – see you there!